Hello, this is a feature that will run through the entire season and aims to recap the weekend's events and boils those events down to one admittedly superficial fact or stupid opinion about each team. Feel free to complain about it.

I was very excited indeed when the NHL schedule came out. Which I guess was naïve of me.

See, the Bruins were slated to play the Anaheim Ducks on Thursday, Oct. 25, and when I found that out, I asked my buddy who has Bruins season tickets if I could go with him to that game. It was, I figured, my last chance to watch Teemu Selanne — my favorite player of all time and a true legend of the sport in every sense of the word — play live. I figured this because after you have two or three consecutive summers in which you announce that no, you're not retiring (via an exciting video), then the clock is almost assuredly ticking down to zero at a disconcerting pace.

And then over the last month and a half or so, I started to come to the horrible realization that if I want to see Teemu Selanne play live again, then I'm going to have to get on a bus or a train or a plane to do it. The sad reality is that unless this lockout gets worked out in a hurry — and it won't — then Selanne isn't coming to Boston on Oct. 25. He won't be coming to New York, a relatively easy trip, until mid-December. There's no guarantee hockey will be back by then either. In fact, there's no guarantee it'll be back at all, but here's hoping, I guess.

I've been seething about this for weeks, but Saturday at midnight, I guess it really sank in. Will the last game in which I saw Teemu Selanne play live really have been two seasons ago?

But the sad thing is, this is a problem that affects fans across the league. Lots of people justifiably love Selanne almost as much as their favorite player on their favorite team. If you're in an Eastern Canadian market, or Philadelphia, or Boston, what's probably your chance to see him in your hometown is going to get wiped out by this labor dispute. That's the reality. If the lockout lasts through New Year's, same goes for New York, Tampa and Carolina.

And if you're not a Selanne fan — first of all, you're a monster — then there are other stars whom you might never see again.

(Coming Up: Bad news for the NHL is great news for the AHL; Cam Fowler, Evander Kane get in under wire; Poor Stephen Gionta; Sharks check their options; Vladimir Tarasenko might be back in Russia; Viggo trolls Leafs; Blackhawks cancel fan fest; Datsyuk and the KHL; the Minnesota Wild are oblivious; how the lockout will help the Los Angeles Kings defend Cup; and getting Roberto Luongo to Toronto.)

Daniel Alfredsson, a consummate professional almost equally worthy of the endless praise that will be heaped upon him when he retires, won't be playing in Western Canada after early December. This after having already acknowledged that this very well could be his final NHL season.

That might even be true of Marty Brodeur, who just signed a two-year deal, but would, at 40, likely won't be helped in his physical preparations for the season by having it delayed a few months, or altogether.

Nick Lidstrom, for instance, might just have retired this summer because he saw all this CBA nonsense looming menacingly over the 2012-13 season like storm clouds, charcoal grey and low-hanging, rumbling and flashing in the distance, and figured enough was enough. What might a shortened-at-best season do for the wills of these other all-time greats to go through a long hot summer of intense workouts? The mind may still love and think the game the way it always has, but the body, at some point, always says, "No mas."

We know this because we went through it seven years ago. On September 6, 2005, after sitting out the owner-imposed lockout, Mark Messier, a two-time Hart Trophy winner and a six-time Stanley Cup champion, called it a career at age 44, having scored 43 points in 76 games in that last year before the 2004-05 season was wiped out. Six days later, 41-year-old Scott Stevens, still a physical menace to the last and as much an offensive threat as he'd been in years, followed Messier into the reddening distance. And then, two days later, 42-year-old Ron Francis did the same, having amassed the fourth-most points in NHL history and scored 20 goals in 20 seasons.

And slightly more than a month after that, after an ill-advised and frankly tough to watch comeback attempt with Phoenix, Brett Hull, at 41, likewise decided that he just didn't have it any more, even with 741 goals banked in his career coffers.

The fact that a long lockout plays havoc on aging players who don't ply their trade in the interim should be self-evident, but sometimes the effects aren't always clear until it's too late. You might have missed your last chance to see Messier, Stevens, Francis and — unless you saw him struggle through one of five games with the Coyotes — Hull.

You might not have gotten to say goodbye.

These guys, Selanne and Alfredsson and Brodeur and several others around the league, should be getting standing ovations in every building across the continent all winter. They enriched our lovely sport in ways we might never see from another player again. And it's a shame many fans won't be able to bid them the fond farewells they deserve.

What We Learned

Anaheim Ducks: The Ducks re-upped Cam Fowler before the lockout went official, giving him five years and $20 million dollars. But not, like, all of that. Obviously.

Boston Bruins: Guys like Taylor Hall and Jeff Skinner can go to the AHL no problem but Tyler Seguin can't. The reason for this is that the cutoff for AHL eligibility without having to clear waivers is playing 160 games. Seguin has played 155 in the regular season but 20 in the playoffs, bringing him to 175, and therefore can't be sent down as normal. Seems pretty stupid to punish him for having been good enough to play full-time on a team that won a Stanley Cup.

Buffalo Sabres: The Sabres are giving their season-ticket holders 4 percent interest on every canceled game if they roll them over into seats for next year. Someone's gotta pay for that Tyler Ennis contract.

Calgary Flames: Don't forget the last lockout wiped out any chance for the Flames to ever be truly competitive for the Stanley Cup. That is, if you buy that they ever should have been in the first place, which they really shouldn't have. But hey, when the team comes back, it might not have either Jarome Iginla or Miikka Kiprusoff on it, so there's that.

Carolina Hurricanes: On the real, if you live anywhere near an AHL rink and don't get out to see the Charlotte Checkers — with Jeff Skinner and Justin Faulk among their new players — then you're really dropping the ball.

Chicago Blackhawks: The lockout caused the Blackhawks to cancel their annual Fan Fest, which seems like overkill. In the spirit of the hour, they could have gotten their supporters line up so Rocky Wirtz could personally spit in each one of their faces.

Colorado Avalanche: Here's an article about the Xs and Os of the Avalanche's forecheck plans for this season, for some reason.

Columbus Blue Jackets: Jackets president Mike Priest issues a statement on the lockout. OH SORRY IT'S A WORK STOPPAGE. "Several significant upgrades also have been made to Nationwide Arena, most noticeably the addition of The Dispatch Media Center — a state-of-the-art scoreboard — that will greatly enhance the fan experience of attending a Blue Jackets game." Maybe don't bring that crap up right now, eh buddy?

Dallas Stars: Dallas business experts say the Stars will be hit particularly hard by the lockout because they don't have many fans to begin with. Ditto Phoenix ditto Florida ditto a bunch of other teams.

Detroit Red Wings presented by Amway: There was a report Pavel Datsyuk signed a contract to go play for the KHL's Ak Bars Kazan, where he played prior to joining the NHL. Our Dmitry Chesnokov doesn't believe this is accurate.

Edmonton Oilers: That thing I said about going to see the Charlotte Checkers? Goes quintuple for the Oklahoma City Barons. Jordan Eberle, Ryan Nugent-Hopkins, Justin Schultz and, when he's no longer hurt, maybe Taylor Hall as well. How many points you think that top power play unit puts up? A trillion?

Florida Panthers: This is encouraging for Panthers fans: Even if there hadn't been a lockout, Erik Gudbranson and Kris Versteeg wouldn't be healthy for training camp, and Dmitry Kulikov remains unsigned.

Los Angeles Kings: This actually isn't a bad point: If there's a short lockout, say a month or two, that might actually help the Kings, and Devils as well, I guess. Remember how bad the Bruins and Canucks were at the beginning of last season?

Minnesota Wild: To quote Bill Clinton, "it takes some brass ones" to be one of the few teams — maybe the only one — to come out and basically say, "We're real glad this lockout is happening and our fans can go screw if they don't like it." Hey dummies, no one put a gun to your head and made you give Parise and Suter almost $200 million. Wasn't Leipold one of the few owners to go to most of the negotiations? Yes, of course he was.

Montreal Canadiens: Viggo Mortensen continues to do his best to annoy Leafs fans, bringing a giant Habs flag to the Toronto International Film Festival. What a cool guy.

Nashville Predators: Paul Gaustad says he hasn't really weighed his options to go overseas yet because he wanted to remain optimistic. Bud, there's a difference between being optimistic and being blind. Many Predators, meanwhile, will stay in Nashville, so if you see David Legwand bumming around, give him a dollar or something.

New Jersey Devils: Poor Stephen Gionta. After toiling in the minors for seven years and finally becoming a regular for New Jersey in the playoffs, there's this lockout. He just signed a one-way deal for $525,000 for the first time in his life, and now doesn't have the option to go to the AHL, which I guess seems a little shortsighted.

New York Islanders: Matt Martin becomes the answer to a trivia question by signing a new deal just minutes before the expiration of the CBA, the very last player to do so.

New York Rangers: Not many years left of Brad Richards being in any way effective as an offensive threat so hey, keep 'er goin', Rangers.

Ottawa Senators: Another player who might never play again in North America depending on how long this lockout goes: Sergei Gonchar. He joined best bud Evgeni Malkin in Magnitogorsk, and this is the last year of his NHL deal. He's 38. So, maybe, there goes one of the best offensive defensemen of his generation.

Philadelphia Flyers: Sean Couturier and Brayden Schenn were both sent to the AHL along with TWENTY-FOUR other players. Hope you weren't an AHL free agent trying to make it in Adirondack this season. You're outta luck.

Phoenix Coyotes: Today is Day No. 38 since Jude LaCava of Fox 10 in Arizona said Greg Jamison would have the deal for the Coyotes sewn up within the next five days. Meanwhile, signing Shane Doan for too much and too long is apparently a "big step" for a team without an owner.

Pittsburgh Penguins: Big ups to the Pittsburgh Penguins, who do not have plans to lay off any staff, or cut pay, during the lockout. That's what every team should be doing, but few will.

San Jose Sharks: A brief list of Sharks who will explore their options overseas includes Justin Braun, Logan Couture, and TJ Galiardi, while more, like Marty Havlat and Antti Niemi say they'll think about it more now that the lockout is actually happening.

St. Louis Blues: Vladimir Tarasenko is AHL-eligible but could go back to Russia to play for SKA if the lockout drags on, which is just about what you'd expect.

Tampa Bay Lightning: Well hey, if 17 Bolts fans protesting won't get this lockout solved, nothing will. Don't waste your time on stuff like this. Stay home and read a book.

Toronto Maple Leafs: If the Marlies don't sell out every game during this lockout, Toronto is a joke hockey market. Jake Gardiner and Nazem Kadri will be there!

Vancouver Canucks: If the lockout goes on all season, the economy in Vancouver could lose as much as $40 million this season because bars, hotels, restaurants and so forth just won't have as many patrons. This will be a problem in your NHL city too. Get out and support the businesses around your local rinks this winter, especially if it's the only game in town.

Washington Capitals: Former Regina Pat was hoping to catch on with the Capitals — granted, he was very much a longshot to do so — but instead will go directly to Hershey and compete for jobs with actual NHL players instead.

Winnipeg Jets: For once it's someone who owes Evander Kane money that's ducking out on the check.

Gold Star Award

This time around we should be thankful Mike Modano is retired. At least now his dogs won't go hungry.

Minus of the Weekend

All of this sucks, pretty much.

Perfect HFBoards Trade Proposal of the Week

User "TrueCanuckle" is making waves.

To Vancouver:

Weber

To Toronto:
Luongo

To Nashville:
Gardiner
Ballard
Schroeder
Toronto's 3rd
Vancouver's 1st
Vancouver's 1st

Signoff

I wasn't flirting with her. I didn't even mention that I worked in propane.

Ryan Lambert publishes hockey awesomeness almost never over at The Two-Line Pass. Check it out, why don't you? Or you can e-mail him and follow him on Twitter if you so desire.

College football video from Yahoo! Sports:

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The Essentials: Anaheim Ducks Edition

07 Aug
2012

(This month, Puck Daddy asked bloggers for every NHL team to tell us The Essentials for their franchises — everything from the defining player and trade, to the indispensable fan traditions. Here's Jen Neale from Anaheim Calling, giving us The Essentials for the Anaheim Ducks.)

By Jen Neale

Player: Teemu Selanne

There is an argument to be made for Paul Kariya to be the essential (Mighty) Duck since he was pretty much the first everything in the franchise; however, there is a reason we all wait anxiously at the end of every season to see if Teemu Selanne will return for his 18th, 19th, and now 20th season.

He is the face, heart and soul of the franchise. To see him on the ice is not only exciting but reassuring. He makes everyone around him better, if not through play then through attitude. I cannot imagine life-after-Teemu, even though it gets closer each year. Once it's all done, his number will be the first in Ducks history to be retired.

Season: 2006-07

Duh. And it didn't even take us 45 years to win our first Cup.

Game: Game 5, 2007 Western Conference Finals

I mean no disrespect to the Ottawa Senators, but the Ducks won the Stanley Cup after beating the Detroit Red Wings in the Western Conference Finals.

The six-game series was nasty. Chris Pronger and Rob Niedermayer were suspended for hits. Even mild-mannered Scott Niedermayer would get into scrums. It was Game 5 of that series that cemented, in my mind, that the Ducks were going to win the Cup. Detroit was holding on to a 1-0 lead going into the final seconds of the third period. It looked all but wrapped up for the Red Wings until Captain Scotty would tie the game with 48 seconds left in regulation. There was no one that wanted the Cup more than Teemu Selanne and it was only natural he would be the hero. He would make a split second decision in overtime to lift a backhand over Dominik Hasek and win the game for the Ducks.

This win gave Anaheim their first series lead and they'd close it out in the next game at home.

Goal: Paul Kariya, 2003 Stanley Cup Final

The 2003 playoff run was full of mini-miracles. I still can't believe that team got so far. I was sure that run was going to be over in Game 6 of the Stanley Cup Final after seeing our captain get steamrolled by New Jersey's Scott Stevens. Paul Kariya laid lifeless on the ice only to be shown coming-to with a puff of air that caused a fog on his mask. We'd lost Kariya to concussions a couple times before and I was sure he was done.

We were all shocked when he returned in the second period. Kariya went on to score an amazing goal that locked up the game for the Mighty Ducks, sending things back to New Jersey for Game 7.

Trade: Teemu Selanne, Marc Chouinard and Winnipeg's 4th round choice in 1996 for Chad Kilger, Oleg Tverdovsky and Anaheim's 3rd round choice in 1996 (February 7, 1996)

I could go for the obvious here and say the Chris Pronger trade changed everything, but people forget that the team he joined just lost in the conference finals to his now-former team. They were already a really good team; they just needed that one piece. The real trade that changed the franchise forever was between the Mighty Ducks and the Phoenix Coyotes Winnipeg Jets.

On February 7, 1996 the Mighty Ducks acquired: a 4th round pick in the 1996 draft, Mark Chouinard and Teemu Selanne for 1995 first-round pick Chad Kilger,1994 first-round pick Oleg Tverdovsky and a 3rd round pick in the 1996 draft.

Acquiring Selanne changed the state of hockey in Orange County. The Dynamic Duo of Kariya and Selanne put butts in the seats and drew national attention to the team for being more than just a novelty.

Unsung Hero: Steve Rucchin

People tend to forget that while Kariya and Selanne were lighting up opposing goalies, they weren't on a line by themselves. The two superstars were centered by Steve Rucchin.

For a long while, Rucchin held third place in goals, points and assists behind the original twins. Now he's been bumped into fourth in most categories by the current set of twins, Ryan Getzlaf and Corey Perry.

Rooch was the guy that cleared space for Paul and Teemu. He made sure they were protected.

Franchise Villain: Detroit Red Wings

I would like to say that the Kings and/or the Sharks are our biggest rivals, but they aren't. We do have a healthy hatred for each other; however, we rarely see each other in the playoffs — an atmosphere that drives rivalries. The Ducks have met the Red Wings in the playoffs five times with Detroit besting the Ducks three series to two.

I know that Detroit doesn't feel the same way about Anaheim. Yet I never see more fights in the stands than I do when Detroit visits Honda Center.

Fight: Francois Beauchemin vs. Jarome Iginla

The most important part of fighting in hockey is picking your dance partner. This couldn't be more important in the playoffs. If you can get the other team's star player off the ice for five-minutes, it can change an entire game and possibly a series. In the 2005-2006 playoffs, the Mighty Ducks were facing Jarome Iginla and the Calgary Flames.

Game 6 could have been the last game in the series if it wasn't for Francois Beauchemin. According to Beauch, Iginla asked him to go, and that could have been the worst move in Iggy's career. Beauchemin absolutely destroyed Iginla. From that moment on the series was completely shifted in the Ducks favor. They went on to win that game 2-1 and win the series in seven.

Coach: Randy Carlyle

I wanted to say Mike Babcock at first just because I'm still a little bitter about the beginning of this last season, but it has to be Randy Carlyle. He was a d--k. He was grumpy and a hard-ass. He made Aaron Ward hate hockey. He told Joffrey Lupul he couldn't play left-wing in the NHL (I'm sure he's changed his mind now). Yet he brought Anaheim a Stanley Cup. Can't argue with success.

Broadcaster: Brian Hayward

To be a true color-guy for a team, you have to be a homer. There are few homers in the NHL quite like that of Brian Hayward. Hazy has been with the team since day one and he is un-apologetically the biggest Ducks fan. I like him because he's unintentionally hilarious. Who could forget James Wisneiwski's hit on Brent Seabrook that sent Seabrook tumbling like a drunk cartoon character?

Hazy accused Seabrook of embellishing the hit. People were pissed after he said that. To Ducks fans, it was just Hazy being Hazy.

Arena Trend: Visiting Fans

The Ducks are amongst the lowest ticket prices in the league. You would think that would draw sell-out crowds every game, right? Well, sort of. If the team isn't winning, only the die-hard Ducks fans come to games. That leaves a lot of open tickets for the visiting team's fans. There are nights when home games sound like away games because there are so many of the other team's fans.

Arena Food: Club Level Freshness

If you want fresh food that hasn't seen a heat lamp, you have to sit on the Club Level, and you can't get up to if you don't have a ticket for those expensive seats. Honda Center went on a two-phase dining upgrade of the past two seasons. It just got more expensive and added a few more choices.

All I ask for is the Samueli's follow what their next-door neighbor Arte Moreno (owner of the Angels) made a priority - lowering beer prices.

Swag: The Wild Wing Jersey

Ever since Charlie Conway donned the jersey in D2: Mighty Ducks, the masked duck will forever be associated with the franchise. Yet there is one iteration of the logo that I'd like see burned in an incinerator. This year, I made my first trip to the Hockey Hall of Fame. I expected to see the exhibits on the founding of the franchise and winning the Cup.

The last thing I thought I would see in the hall was this beast of a third jersey. There are plenty of ugly jerseys in the NHL and this ranks near the top.

Tags: , , , Mighty, , Paul Kariya, , , , ,
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