ESPN and Marvel made a comic to explain how LeBron James will get seven rings

15 Oct
2012

In the summer of 2010, the Miami Heat introduced LeBron James and Chris Bosh (alongside Dwyane Wade) in an arrogant welcome party that instantly became the go-to reference for any fan looking to explain an intense dislike for the team. The worst part, according to those detractors, was that LeBron suggested they'd win up to seven championships before they'd even suited up for a real game. It was all pretty off-putting, even if the hate went overboard at the time.

Now that LeBron actually has a championship, it's easier to joke about that moment, even if he's still a ways off from the promised seven titles. And jokes we now have, in the form of a Marvel/ESPN the Magazine team-up that brings us into the future to see how LBJ will go about rewriting the NBA record books. In the image above, you'll see one example. Yes, it involves Eddy Curry, a near-death Mike Miller, and a post-death, zombified version of Shane Battier capable of playing 48 minutes per game with absolutely no drop in single-minded, brain-focused effort.

[Fantasy Basketball '12: Play the official game of NBA.com]

There's much, much more. After the jump, check out another image, plus a hint at some of the other scenarios in this comic.

It seems unlikely that LeBron will join up with Steve Nash, Kobe Bryant, and other aging stars when they're collecting Social Security checks, but who knows where the NBA will be more than a decade from now. I mean, this comic also predicts that Dan Gilbert will still own the Cleveland Cavaliers at that time, and he'll tell anyone who listens that his small-market business needs as much help as possible. Maybe we're heading for NBA boom times!

While the vast majority of this comic is pretty funny, I have to take issue with one situation Marvel and ESPN used. I greatly enjoy the idea that LeBron will start a trend of players mechanizing their bodies to stay healthy and relevant well beyond their physical primes, but that idea was already depicted in stunning detail by Tom Scharpling of The Classical in June. (Note: I am a founder and staffer for The Classical.) I hope Marvel cleared this idea with Tom, because he has an entire army of followers ready to attack all foes. Just ask Chuck Woolery.

Tags: Bosh, , , image, , ,
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How to protest NHL lockout on what would have been your Opening Night

10 Oct
2012

Opening Night in the National Hockey League was scheduled for Thursday, Oct. 11 with four games on the schedule. The next day offered five more games, while Saturday had 12 games.

None of those games will be played. At least not now. The regular-season schedule has been canceled through Oct. 24.

This has, predictably, led to outrage from die-hard puckheads who want their NHL hockey. And this outrage has, predictably, led to many excuses to drink with our hockey-loving friends. (OK, and some other legitimate protests.)

Here are some of the protests planned, or mentioned, around fandom this week, as NHL fans solemnly honor the passing of our Opening Night.

#UNFOLLOWNHL

As you can see, this is an effort that's gone on for a bit, targeting NHL teams. (We've also seen references to unfollowing the NHL and the NHLPA on Twitter as well).

There was an unfollow campaign on Facebook back on Sept. 15 that gained some notoriety but didn't really impact their feeds. Perhaps this one is more effective.

Hockey Not In Canada

(The title is, we believe, a play on TSN's "That's Hockey.")

This Toronto-based protest is being hosted by WeWantACup.com, which writes on its Facebook page:

Feel free to wear your Leafs gear but remember that this isn't a protest. It's small group of concerned fans rallying together to show that they want their game and their team back.

We should be watching the Leafs and Habs with our families. Servers should be busy. Vendors should be busy selling.  Friends should be together...

...But hockey is not in Canada

Our traditions lay on a boardroom table waiting for others to decide when it would be a good time for our families and friends to cheer. Enough is enough  Bring back our game.

We'll have a donation box set up to help those out-of-work ACC employees, and any denomination is greatly appreciated! We'll have some "bring back hockey" signs for you to show your passion for the game. It was only recently that Joffrey Lupul noted there will be a time when fans stand up and show that they're concerned for hockey and that this lockout affects more than just players and fans.

OK, so not a protest. Just something that's really, really like a protest.

They have an ad for it too:

In the interest of equal time, here's Pension Plan Puppets with its thoughts on the non-protest:

Please, whatever you do on Saturday in Toronto, don't go to this. This is embarrassing for all Leafs fans and hockey fans in general. We're all upset that there's a lockout and that the season is in jeopardy, but this is hardly a cause worth taking to the streets over; it's just hockey. If you're "mad" that the NHL is on hiatus (or at least mad enough to protest on the streets of Toronto) maybe you should reevaluate your life. It's just a game. Chill.

Yep. Just a game. (Fast forward to the Leafs' next Cup: "IT'S LIKE I'VE BEEN KISSED ON THE MOUTH BY JESUS!")

Oilers Nation Lockout Party

The Pint in Edmonton will be hosting a "Lockout Party" on Friday afternoon. While partying might not be your immediate reaction to the lockout, please note that the event is (a) for charity and (b) will attract some news media coverage and (c) promises to be a hell of a party if Oilers Nation is to be believed.

Or, failing all of that, just go to Oklahoma City and see the Oilers.

Get Thee To R-Bar

R-Bar is the official bar of the Columbus Blue Jackets on the Nationwide District, and has been running some social media efforts to keep fans buying brews … even if they're not drowning their sorrows as CBJ fans might have this season. The Jackets were scheduled to begin the post-Nash era on Oct. 19 against the Canucks. Double shots for the Sedins!

The Opening Night That Isn't

The pre- and postgame scene around Verizon Center for Washington Capitals games is fantastic. So to support those businesses, and keep in touch with fellow fans, there's a pub crawl on Oct. 12:

To thank the people who make every hockey season special, even the seasons that don't happen, we shall put on our sweaters and Caps gear, gather near the arena to see our friends and fellow fans. We shall then embark on a grand tour of the old stomping ground to show our support for the restaurants and bartenders who have so often kept our spirits up during good times and bad. The owners keep us out of the arenas, the players abandon us for Europe, but our watering holes will never lock us out!

We intend to get started early, as usual on Opening Night, then meander up to the Arena just before 7pm (F Street entrance) for the ceremonial puck drop and anthem, before again heading out to bars and restaurants around us with our friends to celebrate fandom (and perhaps catch Game 5 of the AL/NL Wild Card rounds on TV, both the O's and Nats would play that night if they go five).

Alternately just pub crawl China town with your Caps/NHL fan friends, and celebrate what's really important in life: food, friends, and spirits! Transfer that 1% interest you're earning on your season ticket deposit to those who are hurt worst by the lockout!

A number of the local bars/restaurants will be getting involved in the evening, and it looks like they are coordinating here.

So drink and be merry, Caps fans.

Finally, Our Suggestion

If you feel the need to unfollow the NHL or the NHLPA to make a point, or attend a lockout protest, or to take a steamroller to your collection of hockey DVDs, go right ahead. Let it all out.

But our suggestion for what would have been your team's opening night (and the Caps and Jackets fans have the right idea):

1. Go to your favorite pre- or postgame eatery or bar or bar with decent food, one that's hopefully located within distance of the darkened arena.

2. Spend money.

Sure, most arenas are going to have other tenants, and those games/shows/what-have-you are going to fill the local watering holes. But they won't have hockey, and they might not have it at all this season. So go meet your usual crew, raise a glass to the fans and have a few to support the place.

Oh, and if you choose to rock some swag on "opening night," may we suggest:

3. Wear your NHL gear inside out.

The logo on the front and the name on the back can go to hell for one night.

Any ones we missed? Hit us at .

Tags: facebook, , , , , protest
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10/2/2012: The Day the Offense Died

03 Oct
2012
by in General

Don't feel too bad if your fantasy offense went into a 7-for-51 tailspin during Tuesday's play. Your arch rival might have fared even worse.

Make no mistake, the penultimate day of the baseball season turned into a Streaming Party. For whatever reason, offense took a complete holiday on Tuesday. Only one team, the Mariners of all clubs, scored six runs. A whopping 13 of the 15 games went under the posted total, and the other two games were pushes. Vegas projected we'd see 119.5 runs from the full slate — instead, we got 87. It felt like a backyard Wiffle Ball game, dominated by the bagel.

There were a few starting pitchers who bombed, but not too many. Captain Erratic Tommy Hanson allowed five earned runs while Anthony Swarzak and Anthony Bass gave up four each — that's it for the crooked numbers. Everyone else escaped at three earned or fewer. Chris Capuano didn't last long and there were some bullpen meltdowns (Rafael Betancourt and Andrew Bailey allowed game-altering homers in the ninth), but for the most part this was a good day to be on the mound.

Where does a day like this come from? Is this just a sample of randomness, or were results being driven by something else? Did some batters in throw-away games take a hack-first approach? Were umpires handing out borderline strikes in some of the non-critical matches? I was primarily watching NFL film on Tuesday night; I can't point to anything specific from the sandlot. How much can we blame the JV lineups, the teams who were resting key players? Whatever it was, it felt odd all evening.

Feel free to salute your Tuesday heroes, the expected and the unexpected, in the comments below. Is Hisashi Iwakuma a shoo-in for a Wiggy? Did James Shields push you to the promised land with his 15 strikeouts, or did the tough-luck loss do you in? Did you have the nerve to start a Bud Norris or a Kevin Correia? How much of a winner's share are you giving to Miguel Gonzalez?

The batters did get one piece of good news on stupid bloody Tuesday: the fences are coming in at Safeco Field. Alas, we'll have to wait until 2013 on that one. The pitchers laughed first, last and hardest on this day.

Good luck with the final 15 games, amigos. First pitch is a mere five hours away. Get your popcorn ready, start clearing off some mantle space.

Tags: , for, mistake, , , Streaming, tailspin
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Stream Police: Can Jeremy Guthrie tame the Tigers?

01 Oct
2012
by in General

Two more streaming days and then we're all done. Here's the Tuesday card. As always, consider everyone to be tentative and double check anything you can.

Bloc Party
Hisashi Iwakuma vs. LAA
Miguel Gonzalez at TB
Jeremy Guthrie vs. DET

Guthrie's run in Kansas City (3.18 ERA, 1.12 WHIP, 16 walks, 53 strikeouts) has been too good to ignore, even with this matchup. And perhaps the Tigers will enter the game with little incentive. Guthrie does have to face Doug Fister, however; he's been very good, too.

Party Out of Bounds
Chris Carpenter vs. CIN
Barry Zito at LAD
Jacob Turner vs. NYM
Chris Capuano vs. SF
Bud Norris at CHC

The Capuano story has run out of steam in the second half (3-7, 4.71/1.29) but with the Chavez Ravine backdrop and Zito on the other side, there's only so low I can rank him. Zito has actually been strong over the last month (four wins, 3.03/1.38), which sets up a Charlie Brown/football opportunity. Tread carefully.

Pity Party
Kevin Correia vs. ATL
David Phelps vs. BOS
Tyler Thornburg vs. SD
Jhoulys Chacin at ARI
Justin Masterson vs. CHW
Travis Blackley vs. TEX
Chris Volstad vs. HOU

Phelps takes over for Ivan Nova, who's been a mess down the stretch. How many innings can Phelps be expected to go?

Blanket Party
Patrick Corbin vs. COL
Casey Kelley at MIL
Carlos Villanueva vs. MIN
Anthony Swarzak at TOR

Hey, there are games Wednesday. Don't risk anything on these guys.

Possible Streams for Wednesday (in no particular order): Travis Wood, A.J. Griffin, Ryan Vogelsong, Gavin Floyd. There's a lot of trickiness to this slate, as some playoff-secure teams might want to go easy on their starters (or their primary players). Early in the Tuesday AM, I'll be back to analyze the final fiesta of the fantasy year.

And while you're adding pitchers for your baseball trophy, you might want to add Rashard Mendenhall, too. I hear he's the new closer for the Steelers. Andy Behrens has more, below, in the Yahoo! Fantasy Minute.

Tags: , Bloc, Bloc Party Hisashi Iwakuma, , , Doug Fister, , Hisashi, , LAA, Miguel Gonzalez, ,
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Golf-Victory party was a bit wild, says Europe rookie Colsaerts (Reuters)

01 Oct
2012
MEDINAH, Illinois, Oct 1 (Reuters) - Belgian rookie Nicolas Colsaerts described the post-match Ryder Cup party as "a bit wild" after emerging bleary-eyed on Monday morning following Europe's remarkable comeback win over United States. "Everything went so fast yesterday, from everyone standing around the 18th green, to the celebrations and then the party," Colsaerts told Britain's Sky Sports television in the lobby of the team hotel in the wake of Europe's 14-1/2 to 13-1/2 victory. ...
Tags: Belgian rookie Nicolas Colsaerts, Europe, Europe rookie Colsaerts, , , , , , , , Ryder Cup party, Sky Sports, , yesterday
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Michael Jordan gave Scottie Pippen a dance-off for Pip’s 47th birthday

27 Sep
2012

As you all know, the 47th birthday is the Fun Dance-Off Birthday, a celebration of how much fun it is to just get out on the floor with a handful of likeminded individuals and compete for the title of Best Dancer At This Party, but really just gently, because hey, we're all here to have fun, guys. (Popular participants in the Fun Dance-Off Birthday include Everybody's Moms and Aunts.)

And yet, as the end of the night neared at the surprise 47th birthday bash held for Scottie Pippen at Chicago celebrity hangout Sunda on Monday night, nary a famous reveler had attempted to jovially serve the 2010 enshrinee in the Naismith Memorial Basketball Hall of Fame. Not Ahmad Rashad, not Antoine Walker, not Nazr Mohammed, not Worldwide Wes — nobody.

Luckily, one of Pippen's longtime allies — fellow Chicago Bulls legend, Hall of Famer and perennially sharp-dressed man Michael Jordan — doubles as one of the greatest late-game performers in the history of anything, a category that by necessity includes birthday-perfectin'. Take it away, Page Six of the New York Post:

Sources told us the fun night ended with a dance-off between Jordan and Pippen to the Trey Songz and Fabolous song, "Say Ahh." [sic]

Maybe a better evening-ender than Game 6. Hard to say, really, because we don't have video confirmation of just how the dance-off to "Say Aah" went down, which is one of the saddest sentences I've ever had to type.

Wondering why "Say Aah," specifically, was the song of choice? We'll let Monsieur Songz's lyrics answer that (emphasis mine):

Shawty, dance like a video vixen
Said her man be on that bulls*** pimpin'
Well, I retired from the bull like Pippen
Tryin' to get you home or would you be Marge Simpson

BRB, just going to bliss out for a few minutes envisioning MJ and Scottie doing the Bartman until the break of dawn.

Now, obviously, this is just a really cute and lovely thing, but while imagining these two NBA legends and noted competitors cutting a rug and vying for dance-floor dominance, we can't help but wonder: Who won?

Then again, considering this archival footage of the two of them dancing during their playing days:

... and how off MJ looked when the other MJ tried to teach him how to dance ...

... and this shot of Pippen with both feet planted firmly on the ground while dancing with his wife, Larsa:

... it seems like a decent bet that this was the kind of dance-off in which there were no winners. Only survivors.

(Of course, if you do come across the video, give us a shout on Twitter or Facebook, because we clearly need to see that.)

College football video from Yahoo! Sports:

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Justin Smoak, September Slugger

26 Sep
2012
by in General

For the most part I have not enjoyed Justin Smoak's second full year in the majors. He's been hovering around Mendoza for most of the season, and the never-ending Smoak puns have also been tiresome. At some point, you've heard them all.

But with the silly season of September winding down, Smoak is in the discussion for a different reason: he's all of a sudden hitting the seams off the baseball. Is it too late to invite him to your championship party?

Smoak's turnaround started in the middle of the Toronto series two weeks ago, and it's turned into a 17-for-36 binge over 10 games, with four homers and four doubles. He's scored eight, driven in seven. Walks and strikeouts are even, six of each. And this doesn't include the additional homer he clocked in Wednesday's match (still in progress; the game, that is, not the homer).

The three Smoak homers in the Los Angeles series have all come off decent pitchers: Zack Greinke, Scott Downs and C.J. Wilson (no wise guy comments). He's also homered off Tanner Schneppers and Matt Harrison earlier in the month. Smoak doesn't turn 26 until December, and he was touted as a likely star back when the Rangers drafted him 11th overall in 2008. Pacific post-hype sleeper, anyone?

While I've been watching every Seattle Seahawks snap over the last few weeks, as if I own stock in the team, I can't say I've had the Mariners on high alert. I don't have any game-drawn scouting notes of my own to offer you on Smoak (though for what it's worth, the Seattle first basemen credits a simple batting tip from his dad). Obviously hot streaks can start at any time and for any reason, and they can disappear at any time. As much as we'd like to think there's a tangible reason why someone starts producing, it isn't always something we can identify or properly attribute. And heck, to a large degree variance and randomness control the games we chase around.

All I know is this: Smoak's locked in at the moment and feeling good at the plate, and I'd like to kick the tires, see where it goes. He's still unowned freight in 90 percent of Yahoo! leagues. Anyone want to take a shot for the final week?

Smoak and the Mariners are at Oakland this weekend, but that might not be a bad thing: his OPS is 210 points higher away from Safeco this year. The Angels come to Seattle next week for the final series of the year; while the pitcher-friendly park obviously hurts the Smoak story, at least he's proven that this Los Angeles staff doesn't bother him much. His best AL stats this year have come against the Halos.

It's your move, gamer. Discuss your Smoak plans, and share your best or worst Smoak pun, in the comments. And while we have you here, also enjoy the 29-minute (estimated) Andy Behrens theremin solo, below.

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Oklahoma vs Notre Dame Tailgate Passes for Sale

26 Sep
2012
FrontRowFootballTickets.com has for sale 4 cheap Sooner Tailgate Party pass to the Notre Dame Fighting Irish at Oklahoma Sooners football game at OU Memorial Stadium on 10/27/2012 for just $35.00. These are TAILGATE PASSES not a game ticket- first come first served.<

These Oklahoma Sooners Football tickets available at: Oklahoma Sooners Football tickets
Tags: , , , Notre Dame Fighting Irish, Oklahoma Sooners Football, Oklahoma vs Notre Dame Tailgate Passes, , passes, Sooner, Sooner Tailgate Party,
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Buy Cheap New York Giants at Dallas Cowboys Tickets – Dallas Cowboys Stadium – 10/28/2012

25 Sep
2012
Looking to find the cheapest New York Giants at Dallas Cowboys tickets? Well, Ticket Samurai has 9 tickets to New York Giants at Dallas Cowboys at Dallas Cowboys Stadium on 10/28/2012 for only $40.00. The seats are located in section Party Pass row WEST - get them now before they are gone!

PRICE & AVAILABILITY SUBJECT TO CHANGE. Click below for current prices and availability of New York Giants at Dallas Cowboys TICKETS



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Los Angeles Clippers point guard Chris Paul is one of three famous faces gracing the cover of the October issue of GQ magazine, joining actors Denzel Washington and Javier Bardem. GQ's Steve Marsh profiled Paul in CP3's hometown of Winston-Salem, N.C., giving readers a fly-on-the-wall view of a party celebrating Paul's parents' 30th wedding anniversary, a glimpse into the comedic back-and-forth he's established with his wife and longtime partner Jada (who "will punctuate Paul's cutting one-liners with her textbook eye roll, equal parts coy and dismissive" throughout the anniversary party, according to Marsh) and a general sense that even after seven NBA seasons (which have included five All-Star appearances and four All-NBA nods) and last season's move to L.A., the 27-year-old triggerman is still just a family man at heart.

The profile also offers a bit of on-court insight, though, gleaned when Marsh watches Paul playing during a workout at the practice facility of Wake Forest University, where CP3 starred for two seasons:

CP3 plays pickup like he's Peyton Manning anticipating a blitz: The gesticulation is ceaseless. He was talking to everybody in the gym: the guys on his team, the guys on the other team, even the guys waiting for next. The only person CP3 never talked to was the guy guarding him, because CP3 says he doesn't believe in talking junk. "I feel like I've worked so hard to get good," he would tell me later, "I'm expected to score on you."

That's a pretty amazing and succinct encapsulation of the kind of confidence possessed by the truly elite — those in whom incredible God-given talent meets constantly diligent preparation. It's also sort of a different take once famously offered by enigmatic Italian soccer player Mario Balotelli, a gifted striker for Manchester City in the English Premier League.

When asked why he doesn't celebrate (or even smile) after scoring goals, Balotelli said, "When I score, I don't celebrate because I'm only doing my job. When a postman delivers letters, does he celebrate?" Paul's premise is a bit of a variation on that theme — it's not that there's no joy in scoring, but rather that there's simply no need to bark upon overcoming, because what's happened is less some amazing feat of conquering than the inevitable sum of a years-long equation. It's not a big deal that I scored; I'm supposed to, because do you even see how good I am?

(Which, in and of itself, sounds like pretty good trash talk to me.)

Of course, the idea that Paul "doesn't believe in talking junk" might be a bit of a news flash for Pau Gasol, whom CP3 famously called "soft" after a testy exchange in the closing seconds of a hotly contested January game between Paul's Clippers and Gasol's Los Angeles Lakers. In case you don't remember what all transpired in that fiery moment, I'll let Y! colleague Adrian Wojnarowski jog your memory:

Yes, Chris Paul called him soft. And, no, Gasol didn't want to hear it. Gasol hasn't forgotten the Lakers traded him for Paul, and he hasn't forgotten most fans — and maybe most coaches and teammates, too — wish the NBA hadn't voided the deal. He doesn't forget it, and maybe this has something to do with him reaching down, patting Paul on the head late Wednesday and sending him into an absolute tirade.

"Don't touch the top of my head like I'm one of your kids," Paul seethed later.

As Marsh found out, Paul remains pretty ticked off about that whole thing:

Gasol made a tepid apology; six months later, Paul is still annoyed. "We call that sonnin'," he explains to me. "Like when I take Li'l Chris to the bathroom, I'll walk with my hand on his head. That's my son. You know what I mean? I understand that Gasol is that tall, but don't do to me what I do to my son."

OK, duly noted — no putting your hand on Chris Paul's head. Also, presumably, no taking Chris Paul to the bathroom, no asking Chris Paul to make the Blake face and no making Chris Paul an adorable mask. If we can avoid these missteps, everything else should be cream cheese.

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