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Home  GNUru Special Features  Sexy Pick Alerts!  GNUru Special Features  Voodoo Sabermetrics: Manny Ramirez
Voodoo Sabermetrics: Manny Ramirez
Written by The GNUru   
Apr 01, 2007 at 04:29 PM

Recently the GNUru was asked to participate in a piece entitled "Voo Doo Sabermetrics".  Voo Doo Sabermetrics is an attempt to quantify the intricacies of sports and how we value players.  By value we mean more than the traditional measure of a players value, typically statistics.  Value is determined by categories such as nicknames, appearance, behavior, clutchness, atomic mass, date quotient, hottness, scrappiness, jollyness, and exposure.  Below is an exceprt of the inaugural article including the GNUru's take on "Clutchness".  For the full version, please visit The Extrapolater.

Voo doo SabermetricsVoodoo Sabermetrics reminds us that our love for the team includes our love of individual players. We usually have a favorite superstar hitter or pitcher or both. But what about those guys that you just... like? Maybe someone who pinch hits or steals a base now and then. Maybe an aging vet who is like an extra coach in the dugout. Rather than judge everyone by their stats, we're going to use unique categories and scoring methods to check out baseball's characters.

Our High Voodoo Council are:

Jack Cobra from 3manlift.com Neighbor Quotient and Scrappiness
Texas Gal from Ladies... Hottness and Behavior
Uncle Sunil from Hurricanes Are For Drinking Atomic Mass and Exposure
Gary Gnu from The GNUru Fantasy Sports Clutchness and Chuck Norrissness
Sooze from Babes Love Baseball Jollyness
TC from Mr. Thursday's Curious Mechanism Appearance and Quotability
Extra P. from The Extrapolater Name Quality (including nicknames)

Clutchness: Manny's level of clutchness is entirely dependent upon what your definition of "clutchness" is. Since the word clutchness has yet to find a place within American sports vernacular, the GNUru can mold the meaning to facilitate the GNUru's evil agenda.

Taking a statistical approach, one could tally Man-Ram's game winning RBI and walk off home runs but that would make too much sense. A better approach is too look at one's level of reliability when it counts. In that category, Manny fails miserably- so much so that the phrase "Manny being Manny" has entered the lexicon of Boston Red Sox fans. Any player that has a built-in excuse for a lack of enthusiasm and/or concentration, mental lapses, and dedication to the team, is not a clutch player.

GNUru Clutchness Meter: "2″

Borrowing from TC's scale, that makes Manny a Yuengling Premium Light - 3.1%


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